Rachel Milsten

Rachel’s Eulogy by Maurice Milsten

I met Rachel in 1994, almost exactly 31 years ago. I remember how cute she looked that day. She once said she was lucky she was having a “good hair day” when we met. And she always looked 20 years younger than her age. When I first met her I thought if she went out with me I would be robbing the cradle. It is hard to believe she was only one year younger than I was.

Rachel was a combination of seemingly incompatible elements. She was small in stature and looked weak, but she was strong and fearless if she felt she had been wronged. She once quit a good job on the spot when the employers accused her of taking a break when she wasn’t supposed to. But that was lucky for me because she then got a job at MCAD near the Minneapolis Institute of Arts which is where we met.

She had a certain innocence about her. She believed in the goodness of people even though she had gone through some extremely difficult experiences at other people’s hands—even people like her previous two husbands—who should have been most loving. Somehow she was always able to expect the best in other people. She was still optimistic when she should have known better. She was always smiling and happy to greet people, but if she felt wronged she could be angry and employ harsh words. I always think of her as how Hermia is described in Midsummer’s Night Dream, “Though she be but little she is fierce.”

She always seemed to think that she was not good enough, even though she was very good in many ways, as an artist, a secretary, a volunteer and a life-long friend.

Rachel told me about her high school days. She said how hard it was and how badly she had done. A few years ago we had water in our basement. I went through some of her old papers to see what I could salvage and I found her ACT scores. She had scored in the 91st percentile. She had scored better than over 90% of students taking the college entrance exams in the United States that year. And she still never thought she was very smart.

Rachel never was successful in the classroom after high school. I think it was because she could never stand the regimentation and the pressure to get the right answer—the answer the teacher wanted in the way they had to have it. She had to learn things on her own in her own way. And she was very capable of learning a skill if she needed to.

She was a self-taught artist and created many wonderful, whimsical drawings that she shared with friends. She did a pair of life drawings that are very impressive. They are two views of a model from different angles. Rachel captured how the model looked in such a way that you know it is the same person, not just an idealized version of a human body. She told me that in high school she had cut pictures out of magazines and practice drawing the individual features of the models—ears, eyes, mouths, body parts. That’s how she taught herself to draw on her own and she was able to combine those elements into works of art.

Another example of her ability to teach herself skills is that in her twenties she got a job as a receptionist. While she was there she practiced typing. On her own she learned to use a Dictaphone machine and was able to type 120 words a minute. Her spelling and grammar were excellent so she could not only take dictation, but turn the words into proper grammar, not easy to do.

After we were a couple I saw many examples of her quick mind. At one time Minesweeper was a game everyone played on their PC. I could play it, but it would take me ages to cautiously figure out by logic which square had a mine. One day I watched Rachel play it and she would pick the right squares almost as fast as she could move the cursor. She could get through a whole game while I might find two mines. I asked her how she did it and she said, “Oh I just look for the patterns.” She had memorized the patterns where mines were by remembering the numbers on the squares around them. It was amazing to me. She had solved the game much better than I had in a way I had never thought of.

Because she looked so young it was easy to underestimate her. I remember we decided to play Scrabble one night a little while after we had met.
I figured she wouldn’t have a chance. After all I am an English Major. Of course she drubbed me. Her style of play was so different from mine (and so much better) it was fun to compete. We played many games of Scrabble with our good friends Marcella and David Grandpre as well as Pat Schroedl and she was always the player to beat. Marcella claimed that when they were teenagers she had played Scrabble with Rachel for two years before beating her. I’m very glad she didn’t give up. We spent many pleasant hours playing Scrabble.

She was very loyal as well. As I’ve said, Marcella and she began as friends in high school as she did with Debbie Loring, Paula Donnelly, and Denise Hefferman. Later in life she met Jonathan Fruchtman when she worked as a legal secretary. I was lucky enough to meet Jonathan and Kristi his wife and become their friends as well. They and the family, Isak, Simon and Declan had a special relationship with Rachel because she had introduced Jonathan and Kristi to each other at a party she had two years before I met them. At Halloween in 1994 I remember meeting them for the first time in the elevator going to the party room in Rachel’s building. Little Isak was about a year old and he came as baby Dracula with his hair dyed in a black Dracula hairstyle. As I remember Rachel went to that party as a fairy in pink. I went as the fairy godmother in a fetching blue satin dress. Rachel brought out the “wild side” in me.

Rachel brought many people into my life. Jonathan became one of my best friends and it was because of Rachel having him as a friend that me met. Unfortunately, Jonathan passed away far too early three years ago. It was a very sad time for Rachel and I. I also remember, though, that when we attended the gathering after the interment people came up to Rachel and said, “I’m sure you don’t remember me, but you were Jonathan’s receptionist and you were always so nice and treated us so kindly we still remember you.” She was a memorable woman.

Her mental quickness extended to her wit as well. Her verbal reactions could be wry and wicked. Even when I had seen the first signs of Alzheimer’s and was taking care of her at home her wit continued. One of the things that we did often was to drive around the Minneapolis lakes. On one of our drives around the lakes I remember trying to tease her. We saw a man walking around Lake of the Isles with a bushy white Santa Clause beard. I said to Rachel, “What do you think? Maybe I should grow a beard like that.” She looked at me an replied, “Well that depends…on how much you’d miss me.” Sadly, when I repeated that story back to her on the other side of the lake she didn’t remember she had said it. The mind is a mysterious thing.

But she retained much of her personality even when Alzheimer’s was ravaging her mind. In late November she was taken to the Woodbury hospital because of dehydration and a reaction to a med change. When she had started to recover, Alexis a caregiver and med tech from ARTIS went to see her. When she came into the room Rachel said, “I know you.” Alexis replied, “Yes, I’m Alexis.” Rachel then answered back, “Good! Let’s find a boat and row on out of here!”

Rachel was a favorite of the staff at ARTIS and they were amazing at taking care of her. She was “Little Rachel” to them and they loved her. To name just a few, Alexis, Amber, Chelsey, Carolyn, Monique, Ruby and all the rest of the ARTIS staff were so kind to Rachel. ARTIS was a godsend to me in their care for Rachel. Rachel became confused and fearful as the disease progressed, and many of the staff, especially Amber (who was Rachel’s favorite person at the end,) let her stay with them as they worked and reassured her that she would be safe. All the care-givers at ARTIS did more than just feed and minister to Rachel’s physical needs, they engaged with her and the other patients to keep them as mentally active as they were capable of being.

Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease, taking away so much of one’s ability to think and survive in the world, eventually killing its victims. But Rachel was able to somehow remain Rachel until the very end.

Rachel was not a saint. Sometimes her anger was unreasonable. Sometimes she was self-centered and looked back on her life with self-pity. She struggled with depression for all the time I knew her. But, to me, her good qualities far outweighed the bad, and she was able to overlook my faults (most of the time).. She brought joy into my life and changed me for the better.

When I met Rachel in 1994 I wrote in my journal, “I think I met someone special”. I did meet someone special that day and I and all her friends and acquaintances will always miss that special person, my Rachel.

Rachel (Fink) Milsten passed away at 1:00 a.m. on February 15th , 2025 of
complications of Alzheimer’s disease. She was preceded in death by her father,
Nathan Fink; and mother, Bertha Cohen. Rachel was 74 years old and had been at
ARTIS of Woodbury in Memory Care for a year and a half. Alexas, Amber, Carolyn,
Chelsey, Jolene and many others in the caring staff had given of their love and time
to make the last months of Rachel’s life as happy and comfortable as possible.
Rachel was a talented artist with a wry, wicked wit. She was outgoing to everyone
and had many dear friends. She is survived by many cherished works of art and the
necklaces she created from natural stone beads. She leaves behind her husband,
Maurice Milsten; her step-family, Marney Milsten,and Linda McDonald; grandchildren,
Theo and Elliot Allen; and great-grandchild, Jacquelyn Allen. She will be missed by
many friends, especially, Marcella Grandpre, Pat Schroedl, Kristi Patton/Fruchtman,
Isak Fruchtman, Declan Fruchtman, Simon Fruchtman, Steve and Lois Parker, Peggy
Dainty, Rodney Metzger, Debby Loring, Paula Donelly, Denise Hefferman, as well as
many others. In lieu of flowers, please contribute to the Alzheimer’s Association.